Too funny

Laszlo Thoth's bank has a security procedure that uses customer-created questions and answers. When you call the bank, the customer service rep asks you the question, and you provide the answer. Here are some sample Q&A's that Thoth and his readers came up with.

Q: Need any weed? Grass? Kind bud? Shrooms?
A: No thanks hippie, I'd just like to do some banking.
Q: What the hell is your fucking problem, sir?
A: This is completely inappropriate and I'd like to speak to your supervisor.

Q: Are you really who you say you are?
A: No, I am a Russian identity thief.

Q: Your voice is really turning me on.
A: I like where this is going. Tell me more.

Q: Do you know the answer to your secret question?
A: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. Can you repeat that?

Q: The Penis shoots Seeds, and makes new Life to poison the Earth with a plague of men.
A: Go forth, and kill. Zardoz has spoken.

Q: I've been embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from my employer, and I don't care who knows it.
A: It's a good thing they're recording this call, because I'm going to have to report you.

Q: For the remainder of this conversation, "How can I help you today?" actually means "Would you like to buy some mescaline?" Do you understand?
A: I understand completely.